Dirty South: Man Gets Run Over By Own Truck

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Here in the dirty south, trucks abound.  Over the years, one thing this single, yet glamorously beautiful southern girl has noticed: the bigger the truck, the bigger the asshole.  And now it seems that trucks agree and are making it clear that they have had enough.

FLADOJ02MNI061105-Joseph-Howard-CarlThe Setting:  Gainesville, Florida.  48-year-old Joseph Carl used his better judgment and decided that, after a day of heavy drinking, it would be a good idea to get behind the wheel of his truck and go for a spin.  When he arrived at a stop light, he found a less courteous driver stopped thoughtlessly at a red light, and needless to say, he rear-ended her.

Being one to want to educate fellow drivers on the error of their ways and pay it forward, Broseph got out of his vehicle and approached the woman sitting in her car.  The careless woman over-reacted to having a strange man angrily banging on her driver side window, and drove off.

This is not the end to this story, however.  When ‘ol Joe rear-ended the woman and got out of his truck, it seems that he was so eager to teach her proper driver’s etiquette that he neglected to put the truck in park.  Her car was holding his in place, and when she drove off, Joe’s truck went all Maximum Overdrive and rolled over him.

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He was taken to a local hospital where he was treated for some broken bones in his hand and foot.  His efforts were unappreciated by police as he was also charged with DUI and DUI property damage.

We here in the dirty south raise a radial-flavored Mint Julep to you, Joe.  You made a sound decision to drive while hammered, rear-end a less courteous driver who thought to stop at a red light, and then ended up creamed by your own truck.  They call it road rage, we degenerates call it a Sunday drive.  Next time you are in Wilmington, meet me at the Dixie Boy Truck Stop and we can toss a few back before hitting the road again.

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Contributing Writer: Dixie Darling
@TDDSports
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(VIDEO) WTF File: Aunt Phee Making ‘Something Sweet For the F***in’ Kids’ is the Next Food Network Star

Move over, Bobby Flay, you’re a dick anyway. The Food Network has a new star and it’s Aunt Phee who is cookin’ up something that “ain’t no mutherf***in’ prison food.”

Delicious! Hey Food Network, put her on Chopped or Iron Chef. If Aunt Phee don’t win she’s gonna cut a bitch.

[turban tip Barstool]

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Red Sox Trade Jon Lester to Oakland For Yoenis Cespedes and Jonah Hill

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You have to hand it to Billy Brad Pitt Beane, he’s got some some big money balls. Thursday morning, the Boston Red Sox shipped ace left-hander and two-time World Series champion Jon Lester (along with American hero Jonny Gomes) to Beane’s Oakland A’s for slugger Yoenis Cespedes and Academy Award nominated actor Jonah Hill.

When asked to comment, Billy Pitt said, “I know Jonah got a couple Oscar nominations, but this money ball stuff is getting kinda old. We’d like to win a playoff game. Besides, Angelina and I have 42 kids to feed.”

Red Sox general manager Ben Cherington said, “Cespedes gives us a big righty bat at Fenway and we sure hope we get the fat Jonah Hill because the skinny one isn’t as funny and just looks weird.”

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Featured Writer: The Guru

@TheGuruGS
#TheDirtyTurban

 

(PHOTO) Richard Sherman Gives Patrick Peterson the One Finger Salute

Arizona Cardinals cornerback Patrick Peterson signed a 5-year, $70 million extension making him the highest paid defensive back in the NFL and it’s worth just a few bucks more than the contract inked by Seahawks All-Pro corner Richard Sherman.

That’s an all world burn! 

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Featured Writer: The Guru

@TheGuruGS
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(VIDEO) Sharknado Destroys Citi Field, Best Thing to Happen to the Mets Ever

Sharknado 2: The Second One hits the SYfy channel tonight and it’s going to break the hell out of Twitter. Here’s a sneak peak of the sharknado ripping up Citi Field. A sharknado may be the only thing to save the Mets season.

Hold on, is that Mark McGrath? Acting? Please let him get eaten by a hammerhead. And please show Tara Reid’s boobies.

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